I feel so fed up with everything right now, with work and college and the little things in between. I wish I could just take a hiatus from life, suspend myslef bewteen dimensions and just, I don't know, lay there unthinking, unmoving, just existing.

I know, I know, how selfish of me. I know that everyone feels this way sometimes and that we are just supposed to trudge on and bear it, but I'm not sure that I'm the type of person that can shoulder so much suffocating wieght without altering. I swear that everytime this happens, this horrible recalcitrance for life, my ability to feel and care for the things around me diminshes more and more. I am truly afraid that I am spiraling into a chasm that will suck away my ability to feel anything before the end.

I try to paste on a smile and pretend that the things that I cared about so much before, all my previous scruples and morals still matter to me, but they don't. It's like I'm fading into something I can't recognize, a toatlly new, completely cold person that is a complete 360 to who I used to be, to who I want to be.

Well, that's all the venting I can bear for today. Hopefully anyone that reads this is having a better time with things than I am.